Luke Janssen

Jumping off stuff

New York vs London

I spend half my time in New York and the other half in London. They are both great cities. I do find New York a little more exciting as I lived in London for 6 years before Sydney, so it has the edge at the moment. Some things need changing though…
  • Size of beer serving: A London pint is way too much. I suggest the Aussie ‘Schooner’. Way more sensible and it doesn’t go warm or get you too shitfaced after 3. Did I say 3? I meant 12!
  • Cabs: London cabs are undoubtely the best, but they are let down by only taking cash!
  • Commute time: people think nothing of taking an hour or even two to get from home to work. Luckily I live next door to mine so it takes about 1 minute. New Yorkers think that Brooklyn is far away when its only 20 minutes from most of Manhattan!
  • Money: USA has a $1 note, which means you never have to carry coins!, which I hate doing. In London you a) have huge notes, which stick out of your wallet, and b) huge coins which you can’t just throw away or put in the collection box for retarded lesbian cats (yes. I am going to hell!).
What needs changing in New York
  • The grid system: lets have nice winding streets that you can get lost in like London ok?
  • Tipping policies: reduce the tips to 10% and share them around. Laundry needs tips too!
  • Horn beeping: get a grip guys. Way too much horn beeping and sirens. Noise in general needs to come down a notch. yeah? 
  • Accents: Americans, when you speak to an Englishman, you don’t have to try to impress them with your own verion of an English accent. Chances are it will sound about as shit as my American accent does to you
  • Marijuana: we are not students anymore, there is no reason for grown up, well educated adults to be smoking dope. Leave that to college students yeah? :)
By the way, the place for men to buy good shirts is on Sale in Jermyn St. In New York the same shirts are way more expensive, likewise in Australia. The quality is better, and they are cheaper. Even with exchange rates.
The place to shine shoes is New York. Not sure why but I have never received such a good shine as New York. Way better, and cheaper too. Nothing in Sydney or London comes close.

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